Nobody said it was easy

" Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be. "

This will be one of my more personal posts. Just a heads up. As of late.. I find myself back at square one again. There's so much that makes me want to stay, but at the same time.. the things that make me want to leave is on par. Almost. It's a constant struggle back and forth. I absolutely hate it. Half the time I find myself questioning as to what I'm doing here. What I initially thought was a pretty damn clear sign of where I should be, now lies in total uncertainty. I wish I could just pack up and leave. Travel the world, meet cool people, and not have any obligations. But that's not realistic at all. Not right now anyways. I miss the adventures, the moments that take my breath away, and just spending some quality time with my family and friends. I feel completely swamped with everything, that I can't breathe. I obviously do a pretty damn good job of not showing it.. just because I don't think it's something to be shown. But I guess at some point, I just need a shoulder or two to lean on amidst all of this. Thanks to the few who have been there, y'all know who you are. Also.. I think I might have jumped into things too quickly, only to realize again that slowing down is really a better path. I have built walls to guard my heart, that only so few can hurdle across. I feel like I need to step back and reevaluate what I really want in life. Who I am.. Where I want to be.

On another note, I want to thank you. Thanks for everything you have have done as of late. The talks, walks, and good times. Thanks for being real with me. For introducing me to new things. For putting a smile on my face. For simply.. being you. You're a great friend, and I wouldn't change that for the world.


Danielle's Blog said...

oh tough times tessa, yes. even for me. trying to balance school with mission fundraising and wedding planning. it's chaotic lol. but i keep my eye on the big picture.. i try. it's hard but one day soon enough after all is done, i'll be lying on the nice white sand and looking out at the blue waters of hawaii lol. i hope u can have something - a goal to focus on. and u know, it's ok to not know what u want yet cause at least u are still searching. : ) yur still young !! omg tessa lots of dreams and a big future ahead of u!

Closet Full of Nothing said...

Hi love, I totally know how you feel. I struggle with the same... stay or go dilemma. Although I agree slowing down is a better path if you're feeling overwhelmed. Don't stress out and take it a day at a time, you'll get through it :)


Selena said...

Oh Tessa, I'm sorry it's been so rough for you balancing everything you've taken on. Sometimes we get too impatient and want to get everything done sooner. But at the end of the chaos, you get to look back and be proud of your accomplishments. And then you get to play with all the opportunities it's opened up for you =)

When does your school program end? You get to scamper off after that right?

Unknown said...

i would love to meet up with you! seems like you need a breather... a break :) let's have coffee, when are you free?

amileinherheels said...

Same boat, we are. I try to as well.. but it feels like I'm close to a breaking point. Of course. I can't wait till that day for you, where you get to bask in the beautiful shores of Hawaii. Can't wait for the wedding!!!

Thanks for you kind words girl! :)

No need to apologize! Haha yeah I tend to get a little impatient at times.. Gotta work on that :( Time to also head back to church on Sundays. My program ends in December but I'm not sure as to whether I want to stay or not.. Guess we'll see.

Sounds good :) I'm free...... Most Mondays/Tuesdays/Saturdays :) What's your schedule like? said...

aww sweetie; uncertainty is a toughy... good luck.


amileinherheels said...

Thanks love! xx


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