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Rediscovered You ♥



Why hello, it's been a while. I've neglected this blog, for many reasons. So much has gone on that not many know of, as well I've been extremely busy. But I've missed it! So I'm back at it. Getting a little personal today.

I got back from camp a day ago, and unlike most church camps I've been to, this one really touched my heart and hit home. Hard. Growing up, I've always been going to church, along with my family.. and when I started coming to BHLC, I slowly got involved with praise and worship, and stepped up to lead within the church. It took me awhile, but I never really felt "fulfilled". It was kind of like, okay go with the flow, or I might as well play a part and help out.. I never truly felt like I was able to fully open up, be vulnerable and serve God to my fullest potential, and with my heart in the right place. I guess you could say it was a test of my faith. I've always believed, but in a way.. not wholeheartedly. During this camp, I've cried, laughed and had so much fun. All within 4 days. And this changed me. Praise night was amazing. It always is, but I've never felt His presence so strongly as I did during that one night. I was actually tearing up, and it got to the point where I had to just stop singing and fell to my knees. (I was leading during p/w) I totally get that there's that "high" you feel during praise and worship, but this time it was completely different. I can't really explain it, but it just was.

I haven't really shared this with anyone, except one of my closer friends. I kind of wished I could open up to my parents about it, as I know they've been praying for me for the longest time. In a way, I think this will bring me closer to them, as I feel like it's a constant barrier that stands between us. After all I'm the only one in my family that goes to a different church.

To be completely honest, this has made me think twice about what I want to do with my life. At this point.. I'm starting to really question what I really want in life. I really don't think Fashion is something that I'll be fulfilled with. Don't get me wrong, I love it.. but really, it's not enough. There's so much more to life than that. I want to see the world, experience different cultures, travel to less fortunate countries and spread His love. Guess my 5 year plan just went down the drain lol. But on a serious note, I feel so much more compelled to lead, within the church. Serve for a full time ministry possibly? Who knows. I'm a little torn about all of this, but all I can do is pray and trust that He'll know what's best for me. And I have complete faith in that :)

I am once again, so thankful and grateful for the people in my life who have helped me grown in faith. From the recent spontaneous bible study sessions, to encouraging me to step up, to always being there if I ever needed anything.. You guys know who you are. From the bottom of my heart, I can't thank you enough. Nothing but mad love for you guys.

10 comments:

beks said...

WOAH. did you actually just collapse when you were leading??? O.o

tessatham said...

@Beks
No lol I just had to stop and take a moment to sit

ah kor said...

well in the first place there wasn't any barriers lor btw yr parents n you just differences to b sorted out in due time. Now with what the Lord is doing in yr life He wld surely bring you all closer and reveal the whatever that needed to be booted out! Indeed the Lord is Great n we pray He would continue to touch you in many more ways you never thought possible!!!

Selena said...

Oh I cry a lot during p&w haha I've actually become quite a crybaby in the past few years. I'm really glad that God has been tugging at your heart. I'm sure He's got a very fulfilling plan set up for you, waiting to unfold. Usually, it's in the most unexpected ways.

I thought you were going into photography, not fashion?

It takes quite a while to figure out what really fulfills you. I'm a pretty good example of that!! I still have no idea what I want to do.

I pray that you may find lots of love and joy while on your journey that God's set out for you =)

Kym said...

i love this post :) right now i'm kind of in that place where i feel like i've lost touch with God. Yes, i know He's still there, yes, i still pray but it's just not as close as it used to be. I lost the passion I once had. :( Thankfully, God's still always there, no matter what's happening with me. I'm happy for you Tessa! Just keep seeking God and everything will fall into place with regards to your future! <3

tessatham said...

@Ah Kor
Haha it's a bit weird you're reading my blog.. I hope this msg does not get passed on to my parents! Just kidding. And definitely :) I agree with what you have to say. He always provides!

@Selena
Aw I wished you could've joined us for camp. Next year you have to make it!! P&W was amazing this year. I'm actually in Fashion!! But well I love photography too. I'm sure in due time, you'll find out where your passion lies :) And thanks!!! See you soon at church, you've been misssed!!!! P.S I'm transferring my membership soon :D

@Kym
Aww thanks Kym :) Yeah I was in that phase for quite some time. Keep praying & keep the faith. And I'll definitely keep you in my prayers as well! <3 We need to catch up sooon!!!

Carrie said...

I really enjoyed reading this post, and I can relate to that "high" you feel during praise and worship night. It's really encouraging to read about your passion to serve him more fully and wholeheartedly, and it's great that your faith in Christ is challenging you to take a closer look at what you want to do in life. I agree, fashion is a great interest and hobby, however it can never fulfill us the same way Christ can. Continue to seek first the Kingdom of God and everything else will fall into place!

Keep blogging, sweetie.

In Christ,
Carrie

tessatham said...

Hey Carrie!

Thank you for stopping by and reading this post. It truly is encouraging to have fellow Christians support and hear what they have to say :) It definitely has been a long process of reflecting and prayer, but it still is a struggle. Will def continue to grow in Him, and His ways :)

<3 & God Bless!

Selena said...

Oooo yayy you're transferring memberships! Soon to welcome you to the family =)

Oh boy I just realized you're doing a 30 day blog challenge. Lol just Sunday, Danielle was complaining that you and I don't blog very often. Haha well you sure showed her! =)

tessatham said...

@Sel

Yup!! DP 101 :)

Hahaha yeah blogging waaay more regularly now :P

 

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