Why hello, it's been a while. I've neglected this blog, for many reasons. So much has gone on that not many know of, as well I've been extremely busy. But I've missed it! So I'm back at it. Getting a little personal today.
I got back from camp a day ago, and unlike most church camps I've been to, this one really touched my heart and hit home. Hard. Growing up, I've always been going to church, along with my family.. and when I started coming to BHLC, I slowly got involved with praise and worship, and stepped up to lead within the church. It took me awhile, but I never really felt "fulfilled". It was kind of like, okay go with the flow, or I might as well play a part and help out.. I never truly felt like I was able to fully open up, be vulnerable and serve God to my fullest potential, and with my heart in the right place. I guess you could say it was a test of my faith. I've always believed, but in a way.. not wholeheartedly. During this camp, I've cried, laughed and had so much fun. All within 4 days. And this changed me. Praise night was amazing. It always is, but I've never felt His presence so strongly as I did during that one night. I was actually tearing up, and it got to the point where I had to just stop singing and fell to my knees. (I was leading during p/w) I totally get that there's that "high" you feel during praise and worship, but this time it was completely different. I can't really explain it, but it just was.
I haven't really shared this with anyone, except one of my closer friends. I kind of wished I could open up to my parents about it, as I know they've been praying for me for the longest time. In a way, I think this will bring me closer to them, as I feel like it's a constant barrier that stands between us. After all I'm the only one in my family that goes to a different church.
To be completely honest, this has made me think twice about what I want to do with my life. At this point.. I'm starting to really question what I really want in life. I really don't think Fashion is something that I'll be fulfilled with. Don't get me wrong, I love it.. but really, it's not enough. There's so much more to life than that. I want to see the world, experience different cultures, travel to less fortunate countries and spread His love. Guess my 5 year plan just went down the drain lol. But on a serious note, I feel so much more compelled to lead, within the church. Serve for a full time ministry possibly? Who knows. I'm a little torn about all of this, but all I can do is pray and trust that He'll know what's best for me. And I have complete faith in that :)
I am once again, so thankful and grateful for the people in my life who have helped me grown in faith. From the recent spontaneous bible study sessions, to encouraging me to step up, to always being there if I ever needed anything.. You guys know who you are. From the bottom of my heart, I can't thank you enough. Nothing but mad love for you guys.